Your Calling is not based on your Abilities but on your Faith

If someone told me a year ago that I would be attending seminary today, I would’ve thought they were delusional.

My first encounter with feeling called to ministry took place four years ago, but I allowed the fear of being a woman, being a minority, and finances to redirect my thoughts from His call. I have always had the desire to help others and I had learned that healthcare would afford me the opportunity to do so. So, instead of heeding the call to ministry, I ran to the health field but with good intentions.

Most of my undergraduate career was spent preparing to get into a Doctor of Physical Therapy program. I had spent hours upon hours shadowing and studying. And, this time a year ago, I made it in! But, now that I was finally in the program, it didn't feel like it was for me. Something didn't make sense. I had specifically picked physical therapy because of the impact PT professionals make on the lives of their patients by healing and ministering as Christ did. So I found myself surprised when I felt like I was in a relationship where I was constantly trying to force things to work, and it wasn’t working!

The relationship I had with physical therapy (PT) soon became dysfunctional. 
I cared more about a career in PT than I did about God. 
I gave up on ministry so that all of my time could be devoted to PT. 
My time with family and friends had also become scarce. 
Time with myself was non-existent. 

At the end of my first semester, I realized that there was a problem. I was no longer myself and I wanted out. But, family and friends encouraged me to stay and tough it out, so I did.

By the time second semester rolled around I realized that I needed help with my mental health. I reached out to my sister and best friend and and shared my situation. They suggested I seek counseling and I am so thankful to God that the search was not long, because He guided me to the right counselor fit for me. Then everything changed, one of my appointments with her changed my life forever. What is crazy is that on my way to this session I prayed about everything I was going through. I told God exactly how I felt. I told Him how miserable I was in PT school. I told Him that I felt that it was too late for me to change my career path. And telling him everything on my heart opened the door to what happened next. 

My counselor began the session by asking me what I was passionate about. After hearing my response, she indicated that she could see me in full-time ministry. All I could think was “here we go again” because this wasn’t the first time I heard this. She said, “one day I will turn on my T.V. or my computer and I will see you talking about Jesus.” I was shocked because I’m more of a “background” type of girl. I like things to be simple. Being in the spotlight is far from simple. She handed me a book called “From the Father’s Heart”,  and asked me to flip to a random page. I did just that and was blown away by what I read.

I read a letter from God that said,

Chosen Deliverer,

I AM the One who called you, so will you believe Me when I tell you? Daughter, I believe in you and that is all that matters. Your very stumbling and setback will be used to the fullest in My economy, you will see! You are destined to be a compassionate deliverer and you will have healing gifts to share. As you share them, you will spare many the heartaches you have known.
Now, will you accept my gifts and please stop mouthing all that nonsense about fairness? Can I not determine just wages for My workers? We will speak of it no more. Enough! Let us dry those tears. You will need clear vision to enter the new door I AM now opening.
— Yours Forever, Dad

I’ve heard God speak to me clearly on two occasions. The first occasion was when He told me He loved me regardless of who I was. I gave my life to Him that day. The second time I heard God clearly was when I read this letter. If anyone were to check my prayer journals they would see that every time I write to God I always begin with “Dear Dad.” What I had prayed about during my drive to the appointment was mentioned in this letter. This was when I knew that God was not playing around with me. He addressed my fear of not being sure of whether or not I was capable of doing ministry by reminding me that He believed in me. He addressed my fears about how people would feel about my past by saying that my heartaches will help others. He addressed my fear about lack of resources with the mention of just wages. He addressed my fears about being a woman in ministry by mentioning fairness. Nothing was left out in His response to me. I have decided to answer His call to ministry and I know for sure that this exactly where He wants me to be.

So Sister in Christ, know that God hears your prayers, and He is ready to answer. Open your heart, allow yourself to listen to the words of the Savior, He believes in you, He loves you, and He will pave the way for you. Trust in Him.